FROM SEAN

You: dad?

Stranger: Oh my god.

You: is that you?

Stranger: Did I finally find you?

You: YES!

Stranger: What's your name?

You: it's me

You: Stranger

Stranger: I want to be sure. STRANGER!

Stranger: IT IS YOU!

You: yes DAD it is ME!

Stranger: I'm so sorry I walked out on you and your mother.. How is she?

You: dead...

Stranger: I'm sorry to hear that. Who has been taking care of you?

You: she died of clogged colon

You: the dog

Stranger: The.. dog?

You: he has fed me and changed my diaper

You: he is my neww mom/dad

Stranger: I always knew I trained him right.

You: listen

You: our time is short

You: so i need to tell you something

You: I...

Stranger: Anything son.

You: I'm.....

You: GAY.

Stranger: Yes?

You: wow i said it

Stranger: That's ok.

Stranger: I still love you.

You: it felt so good to say

You: you do?

You: awww dad...

Stranger: I'm glad you can open up to me after all I put you through.

Stranger: I love you son.

Stranger: I really do.

You: i feel like the luckiest kid named Stranger ever

You: why did you leave me...

Stranger: UNTIL YOUR DAD LEAVES YOU FOREVER AGAIN!

You: in a dryer

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Jew...

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: mistrable barten

Stranger: medest flagmantig

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: lick my ball

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: canada

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: OH MY GOD THAT BRITNEY'S SHAMELESS!!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Sacrebleu!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: WUT

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: HE AWAITS IN DARKNESS

Stranger: HE WHO WILL SING AT THE END OF THE EARTH

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: The stranger is a lie!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Gee!!!

Stanger: Is it Gee?

Stranger: Or am i wasting my time on another slapper?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: pussy

Stranger: penise

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: HI YS PLZ

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: you again?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: MRABCUNK

Stranger: fucker

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: porcelina?

Stranger: moose sweater

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: i 'ardly knew 'er

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: skunkhut

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: pirates or ninjas?

Stranger: frogs or snails?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger:  i dont know you or crabmunk

Stanger: but lets chat :)

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Rach Mason?

Stranger: OLF?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: im gay

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Chipnun?

Stranger: Revenge no lobster!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: 4 real?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: I LOOOOVEEE YOU!!!!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: YOU AGAIN?

Stranger: GODDAMNIT

You: HAHAHA

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: no cliffs nuts

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: gimme rest

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: BRAMAMA

Stranger: wazaaa

Stranger: I think you are a cool guy

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: QUESADILLA

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: hammer time

Stranger: omg you know my name

You: What's your name?

Stranger: I'm Crabmunk Jr Lancerlot the second

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: I HERD YOU LIKE LITTLE GIRLS

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: asl

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: MUDKIP?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: fuck my car

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: uhm is that a name?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: I kissed two girls today

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: i dont sorry man

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: YEH!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: nope this is flopi dixx

Stranger: the one and only

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: hanna montanna

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: i accidentally my car today... :-(

Stranger: now its clean again

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: hi moose

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: do you like cock?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: WTF

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: fuca, igor, or lab?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: i think owning a dog in the city is like saying "my need for companionship... far outways my disgust for picking up shit"

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: WHITEPOWER

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: negative

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: stop yelling, im trying to sleep

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: shut up youll wake the neighbors

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger:  I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Stranger: Gonna make you understand

You: CRABMUNK

Stranger: MONKEYSPUNK!

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Who told you?

You: What do you know about crabmunk?

Stranger: I know everything

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: titties

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Hello, this is your Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Stranger: Whaddup?

Stranger: Oh, alrighty then.

Stranger: YOU WILL BE DAMNED TO AN ETERNITY IN HELL. I SMITE THEE DOWN.

Stranger: "GFTO", AS THE KIDS SAY THESE DAYS.

Stranger: GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: no just coffee

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: LIKE A SUMMER ROSE IN THE SUMMER RAIN

Stranger: I NEED YOUR SWEET LOVE TO BE THE ONE

Stranger: I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

Stranger: BEW BEW BEW-BEW

Stranger: JSUT DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

Stranger: BEW BEW BEW-BEW

Stranger: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

You: Is that all?

Stranger: Yes.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: kkk

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: cheese or ranch?

Stranger: fuck you

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: i love my mom

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: my bf just broke my heart

You: That's awkward.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: shitehawk

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: yeah

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Holy shit yes!

Stranger: So I heard that...

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: NIQ

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: eh? twat waffle?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: huh?

Stranger: im blond and dumb

Stranger: with big tits

Stranger: tight pussy

Stranger: and fit ass

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: I don't know what that means.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: same fag with caps lock

Stranger: ur name now is capslock fag

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: punkas?

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: whats a girl like me to do?

Stranger: when she is a virgin at 18

Stranger: hey are you a virgin

Stranger: if you are not

Stranger: is sex as good as every1 says

You: I'm not, I'm just a crabmunk

Stranger: ????????

Stranger: ENLIGHTEN ME

You: EAT THE CRABMUNK

You: and then you'll know

Stranger: AFTER I HAVE SEX

Stranger: be patient my padawan

You: CRABMUNK? 

Stranger: come on be my baby tonight

You: CRABMUNK?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: ahahaha

Stranger: /b/tard

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: damn, i don't know what is crabmunk

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: Nope.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: CRABMUNK?

Stranger: no one will come between us

Stranger: i get turned on by women kicking me in the balls... do you think thats strange?

You: CRABMUNK?

You: Yeah, that's weird.

Stranger: yeah i thought so too